The Gift You’d Like to Exchange

Christmas in 1996 marked one of the best years for children everywhere as toy companies cranked out some of the most memorable gifts of all time. And the best one, the holy grail, (at least in my eight-year-old eyes), was… a Nintendo 64. That’s right. Cartridge games, joystick controllers, 3D graphics. It was on the top of my list, and I was sure it was a done deal. Yet as I opened my gifts that day… no N64. The unthinkable had happened. 

But then my grandmother said, “Oh, there is one more thing that I almost forgot.” My eyes widened, pulse quickened; I knew this was it! You can imagine my devastation when she handed me a piece of paper that read, “You are the recipient of a $25 U.S. savings bond.” Wait… what? As my parents attempted to explain something about interest rates and investments and how it was “like money,” I was totally tuned out. Talk about your all-time worst gifts! To this day, I still barely understand what a savings bond is, much less then.

Some gifts are more welcomed than others. And oftentimes, we don’t always value and appreciate good gifts in the moment. 

What’s the Return Policy?

I think a lot of us feel the same way about singleness. It seems as though this “gift of singleness” is the gift everyone wants to exchange for the other one they really want! 

So when we come across 1 Corinthians 7, one of the most thorough discussions of singleness in the Bible, we should be shocked by the apostle Paul’s words. Multiple times, Paul not only calls singleness a gift from God, but he actually advocates for it: “I wish everyone were single, just as I am” (v. 7, NLT). “It’s better to stay unmarried” (v. 8). “If you do not have a wife, do not seek to get married” (v. 27). 

You’re probably thinking, “Good for him, but I definitely don’t have that gift!” 

Luckily, there’s a really easy test to see if you do. It’s just one question: “Are you married?” If the answer is no, then you have the gift. 

This gift is not a superpower. It's not unusual, or abnormal, or only given to a select few who don’t care about getting married. God has ordained a season of singleness for every human being on the planet. 

Comparing Marriage vs Singleness

So why would a loving God give us the gift of singleness when we long to be married? 

Verse 35 gives us the answer: “I'm saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.”

It’s a season of time to concentrate on ministry in ways that a married person can’t. 

Which raises a natural question: Can’t I be devoted to the Lord while married? Of course!

Throughout chapter 7, Paul affirms that both marriage and singleness are good gifts from a good God. However, in a fallen world, each gift comes with unique difficulties. Neither is easy. Both are painful. Each has its ups and downs that look different. So the danger comes when we compare the downs of our own situation with the ups of the alternative. The single person longs for the intimacy of married life. The married man or woman romanticizes the freedom they enjoyed as a single person.

Paul puts it this way: 

“I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided” (vv. 32-34).

Whether you realize it or not, as a single young adult, you have an unprecedented amount of freedom and time in this season. But, it is freedom with a purpose.

Singleness Is Not A Waiting Room

God has ordained an amount of time when you're not married to help you focus on what matters most. Sadly, most people use this time solely to focus on themselves, on their career, on traveling, or on making money, but our relationship with God matters far more than anything else in this life. So God gives you a season to focus entirely on the One we were made by and made for. 

I don’t want to dismiss the very real disappointments and frustrations of this season. The struggle of being surrounded by friends who have found their "person" before you, the pain of heartbreak from a relationship you thought would turn into marriage (God actually tells us to bring those to Him—Psalm 142:2). But if you’re cynical or bitter in your singleness, it may be because you're missing the point of why you are single. Your relationship status is not the most important thing about you. The most content single people I’ve known are the ones who understood that this season was a gift for undivided devotion to the Lord. 

Perspective Shift

Devotion expresses itself in being attentive to God’s Word and involved in God’s work. Are you helping others study the Bible? Are you using your availability to serve others? I don't know what job, city, family, or social circle God has placed you in. But I challenge you to pray for God to reveal how you can leverage those situations for the advancement of the gospel.

When this is your perspective, you can have peace. You can trust God with your longing for marriage, knowing He hears you and has what’s best for you. The world marvels at men and women who have confidence like this and a peace that surpasses understanding. 

My prayer is that more and more young adults would view their singleness as the gift that it is. Allow the truth of God’s Word to change the trajectory of your single years. Whether your season of singleness is long or short, you can know that God has given you this season as a gift, and it is a gift with a purpose: to pursue undistracted devotion to Him. So the question to answer is this: What will that look like for me?