Toy Stories: Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head — Love and Respect vs. Bitterness and Resentment - Thursday
TODAY’S VERSE
Ephesians 5:33
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (ESV)
I’m not sure when it started, and I don’t always plan to give it, but there’s a “speech” I find myself offering to couples when we sit down to talk about their wedding. I usually begin with something like, “No one ever said this to me before I got married.” Then I proceed to talk about how marriage is more about holiness than happiness. And that marriage isn’t about completing each other because only Jesus can do that. And that marriage is first and foremost a way to live out the gospel for a lost and broken world to see, which includes, by the way, the reality of the cross. And like the cross, marriage will require sacrifice, forgiving, and dying to our own selfishness. The room is pretty quiet when I’m finished with that speech. But couples thank me for that picture of marriage. It took me a long time to realize my marriage wasn’t about me and Beth. But it’s about me and Jesus, Beth and Jesus, and us with Jesus.
Emerson Eggerichs said it this way in his book Love & Respect, "Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord. Primarily, you don’t practice love and respect to meet your needs in your marriage, as important as these are. Your first goal is to obey and please Christ. When you try to do this, often (but not always) your needs are met, and these are wonderful by-products and blessings. But your first goal is to obey and please the Lord.”
Obedience isn’t generally the first thought I have when I feel like my wife is struggling to respect me. Every married couple has to confront the truth that we can easily blame our behavior on the other’s behavior. A couple has finally reached a new point of growth when both can agree that, no matter how frustrating the other may be at times, my response is my responsibility, as Eggerichs put it.
As my wife and I have learned these truths and others over years of trial and error, we have enjoyed more moments of deep connection and understanding. There is a reward for hard work and self-sacrifice!
APPLICATION
Plan ahead. Imagine a challenging interaction with your spouse in the future. It might be one that keeps recurring. How can you plan now to respond differently to the same dynamics of feeling disrespected or unloved?
PRAYER
Father, we can find every example of how to love our spouse in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Teach us, too, that dying a little can lead to a lot of living.
