Toy Stories: Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head — Love and Respect vs. Bitterness and Resentment - Tuesday
TODAY’S VERSE
Romans 5:8
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (ESV)
In his book Love & Respect, Emerson Eggerich asserts that a primary emotional need for women is love. For men, respect. If either of these needs is unmet through misunderstanding, or worse, intentional withholding, it creates what Eggerich refers to as a “Crazy Cycle" of conflict. A wife who perceives a lack of love will often respond with actions that seem disrespectful. And a husband who feels disrespected can react in unloving ways, thus creating the cycle. I’ve also heard the term spin cycle used to describe the same dynamic. And just like our washer seems to handle a heavy load initially, it eventually starts jumping around the laundry room, out of control once the spin cycle starts and things prove out of balance, eventually shutting down. Thirty-six years of marriage have taught me that disrespect and being unloving happen subtly and more frequently than is realized, until the spin cycle reveals what’s been happening.
The solution for breaking the spin cycle seems obvious: stop the spinning and get things back in balance. But my experience walking with couples who are stuck comes down to the fact that someone has to go first. In other words, a husband may need to do loving things even though she’s not being respectful. Or a wife may need to be respectful even when he’s not being very loving. We tend to offer what the other needs only if we think they deserve it. What if we could turn to our spouses and treat them today based on their potential tomorrow? That way of living requires patience and a long view of the relationship. I’m grateful that the Father chose to love us even though we were most undeserving. He made the first move. Because of that, His intentions are clear.
APPLICATION
Many marriages are nothing more than contracts: You do this for me, and I’ll do that for you. See your marriage as a covenant: I give myself to you, and you give yourself to me.
PRAYER
Father, You know our tendency to do something simply as a way to receive something in return. We’re grateful that You have not chosen to love us that way. May we love and encourage today the way you do, no strings attached.
