Playlist: Sad Songs — Thursday
Psalm 43:4a
“...the source of all my joy.” (NLT)
I recently went exploring on a dusty shelf of Bibles at home, looking for some different translations I could keep in my office at work. Tucked underneath a stack of old KJVs and NIVs was a shiny leather NLT large print that I’d never seen before. Curious, I opened it up to one of the first pages and read the words, “Presented to Kimberly Gilbert, 2001.” It belonged to my Aunt Kimmy, who died of cancer at the age of 44. I was in 6th grade when she passed and unfortunately didn’t get the opportunity to know her well. But I’ve always known that I missed out on someone incredibly special because, after almost 20 years, her loss is still deeply felt in our family.
In preparation for writing devos this week, I pulled out her Bible from its new home on my office shelf and opened it up, noticing a page toward the beginning entitled “Special Memories.” There were blanks underneath that she’d filled:
Healed of cancer—liver ablation, 2002
Healed of cancer—radiation on tumor, 2/2004–3/2004
I began flipping to Psalm 42 and quickly realized from the amount of underlining, highlighting, bookmarks, and notes in the margin that this woman had spent a LOT of time in the book of Psalms.
Highlighted in yellow was Psalm 42:5—“I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again, my Savior and my God.”
I noticed more yellow covering words in chapter 43—“the source of all my joy” in verse 4. And again in verse 5: “Why am I discouraged? Why so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again, my Savior and my God.”
My eyes were then drawn to Psalm 41. Not only highlighted in yellow, but also underlined and circled in a light blue pen was verse 3: “The Lord nurses them when they are sick and eases their pain and discomfort.”
Then it hit me. This Bible was given to her in 2001. She died in 2004. This was the Bible she clung to throughout her chemo and radiation, and in her final years, months, and days.
I don’t know what Kimmy felt during the time she owned that Bible. I imagine much of those days held fear, anger, exhaustion, physical agony… days where she simply didn’t feel like singing at all. But clinging to the truth of God’s Word, the evidence of faithfulness He’d shown her over and over, and the hope of complete healing in heaven—a hope that’s now her reality—she sang anyway. I wish even more now that I could have learned from her wisdom here on earth, but I can’t wait to thank her one day for all she’s taught me through this precious record of her song.
Thursday’s Reflection
Is God’s Word your lifeline? What needs to change in order for that to happen?
