Cafeteria Christianity: Sexuality — Thursday
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God… (ESV)
“Sex is essential. If you’re not doing it, you’re missing out. Your body needs it. It’s part of being fully human.”
In 2002, it was 40 Days and 40 Nights; in 2005, it was The 40-Year-Old Virgin; in 2011, Friends with Benefits; and countless others along the way. Behind the comedy of such movies lies a serious belief, one that is widespread in our Western world today: Without sex, you can't really experience what it means to be truly human.
Comments like, “How long has it been?” or “You’re still a virgin?” perpetuate this idea, and before you know it, our sense of personhood gets directly attached to our sex life.
It’s true—within all of us is a deep yearning to know and be known, and it can often feel as though sex will deliver this. It will unlock something inside. So we think God is holding out on us. We’re missing out on the fun and pleasure. Those feelings are real.
But as a wise friend of mine routinely reminds me, “Feelings have a place in decisions—it’s just not first place.” We shouldn’t discredit someone’s feelings, even our own, but we should know how to prioritize them: Our feelings rank behind truth and wisdom. Our experiences matter, but they’re not ultimate.
Sex may feel essential, but Jesus Himself gives us an example otherwise.
Jesus became fully human. He became a male. He was a sexual human being, as we all are. Yet He lived a celibate life. He never married. Never entered a romantic relationship. Never had sex. Jesus was not calling singles to sexual abstinence while knowing nothing of it Himself. He lived this very teaching.
And Jesus is the most complete and fully human person who ever lived. So the fact that He wasn’t married is not incidental. It shows us that none of these things—marriage, sexual experience, romantic fulfillment—are intrinsic to being a full human. The moment we say otherwise, the moment we say a life of celibacy is dehumanizing, we are implying that Jesus Himself was only subhuman.
As today’s verse reminds us, God wants us to become more like Jesus—to be sanctified. Isn’t it unexpected that God, talking about our sanctification, goes right into talking about our sex drive? Apparently, He’s not holding out on us—He actually has our best interests in mind. He wants us to be marked by self-control, to display “life to the full”—even when the cool kids, and our feelings, tell us otherwise.
Thursday’s Reflection
Whether you are married or single, what does it mean to control your body in a way that is holy and honorable? Why does God say our ability to control our own body is part of our sanctification?
